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Lately I've Been
Feeling Like

A Falling Bomb.
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October 17th 2009
11:40 pm]
So I've gotten better... I mean if you want to compare now to then. Those people who once made me miserable, are out of site & mind. Can you go on with your life thinking everyone is just jealous of you? I think I might be able too? Why else would everyone still find the motivation to connect the last dots, and shoot the last remark? It genuinely is behind me. I feel as though I have blossomed & renewed myself. I started over.. not fully.. but I have continued the person I have wanted & have been destined to be. And that is careless yet collected... impulsive & inquisitive... & with a twist of real honesty.. honestly. They all know the truth now.. and it feels so comforting.

I want to see the world... & back again. I want to see so much that I just might have to come home to my ocean & appreciate everything once more. Each time will get better, I can only imagine.

Lately I've been "glowing" as my new friend Will puts it..for I have met a beautiful soul.
His eyes are crystal blue, his beard scratches against my cheek between kisses. He's so mysterious.. guarded.. yet so..poetic in his mind. I wish I was inside of his soul because it's looks so beautiful from the outside looking in. I know you're hurt... but you cannot have beauty without destruction.

Patience. Is. A. Virtue.

I feel as though I have high expectations to meet, but then again.. who am I to be but myself? That's all I have and that's all you get.. otherwise the rest is fake. & that's the last thing I want back in my life. A fake person looking back at me.. a nothing. A nobody.

I admit.. I have had poor judgment with past flings. I jump to fast, I fall to fast, because I want love fast & open to me. I'll settle for less, just for that connection.
But I feel as though.. our minds are electrifying each other.. & soon our hearts will too.. if he lets me.
CMNT (0)

coffee black and egg white [Saturday
January 20th 2007
8:41 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

boredom, it gets to usCollapse )

CMNT (0)

I am covered in skin, no one gets to come in [Wednesday
January 17th 2007
12:55 am]
[ mood | cold ]

he think he knows I hate him now.
He thinks that he broke my heart & I'm
totally hopeless without him.
He thinks that I still want to
go behind the school where no one can see, us and makeout.
I was that dirty little secret underneath his skin. I knew where to kiss, I knew all the right words to say. I knew how to work it with him. I knew when to call but he was just so new & fresh at this, he didn't know how to handle a girl like me.
& so, no. I don't hate you. & you didn't brake my heart

CMNT (0)

december twentyithhhhh [Sunday
December 31st 2006
7:33 pm]
we celebrated death & birthdays at the exact same time, last wednesday night when the poor widow went out to a bar with her niece & her 4 best friends. she cried in hysterics to the song "Simple Man" by Lynard Skynard, when the poor live entertainment went to play his tattered guitar. they smoked cheap light cigarettes on the east side of the building discussing the past of the passed man, he was such a good man, a good man, they all said.

OH BUT THEY ALL KNOW HE WENT TO HELL., god guys, you're all die hard catholics. he smoked & drank & totally denied Jesus Christ, you honestly think he's in favor with God?
& when it comes down to it, he was a bitter man, a bitter man. "Turmoil"-----she said, she said.

they came home around 10pm only to come home to some milk chocolate turtles, cheap wine, & maurijuana. oh pardon, dont forget the cigarettes. she smoked so heavily that night, in honor of him. & it relaxed it all. she just wanted to disappear into that couch & just never go back home. she hates it here I swear to god, she'll go crazy. but they got so deep into conversation that night & her head started to spin, & then she indulged her self in another glass of wine. it was her god damn birthday

the morning, the god damn mornings suck, they agreed. it was a wednesday morning & they got up & drank that black coffee that burns your soul. she looked beautiful that morning, that morning was real cloudless, she remembers. & they walked out the door, only to see a cold body wrapped in misery. everyone said the make-up did him well, he almost looked alive. she had a moment alone with him though, and even if they weren't in the same room, she could feel the pain dripping off the walls. she's fucking yelling at him, she god her life stolen. no one dies this young, not without a damn good reason. I mean, she was an independant woman, but he was her savior.

"While I spread the sweet smoke of death on this body, say a Prayer, or think of a memory of this man."
CMNT (0)

ohhh [Wednesday
December 27th 2006
11:55 pm]
[ mood | sad ]

theres' only 4 minutes left until my birthday is over.


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